goodbye
to all the chances I've missed because I wasn't brave enough
to all the silent sighs when the going went rough

hello
to all future hopes, plans and dreams
that lived on though I was breaking at the seams

Grad!

Yeah, finally.

Grad, then Max's @ Circle (I saw Patty and her family :D), then home, then SM

• I felt like a kid again! We went to Toy Kingdom then I asked my mom to take pictures of me and my sister holding teddy bears and Barbie dolls. It was weird yet refreshing at the same time.
• We ate fried ice cream. :)) Looks cool at first but didn't really notice any significant difference.
• We went to a store selling children's books and I wanted to buy several illustrated books (with Carlos Palanca seals on the left) just because.
•  My mom wanted to buy a curling iron for special occasions because salons usually charge hefty amounts for simple hairstyles. So we tried to find one at the department store. My little sister had her hair curled and she was soo cute. (As usual :) She's prettier than me ehhh)
•  I bought old issues of teen magazines so I'll have something to do when I get really, really bored during the summer
• And bought a new notebook too. I lost the red notebook, I think (the one containing secrets and sappy stuff). T____T
• When I got home, I saw a link in Ate Karina's page. It's so nice so I decided to put it here. Reminds me of my first year in Pisay for some reason. When all was calm and I was carefree.

moments like these should last forever

As I marvel at your moonrise, I'm in awe, yet I ask...

I was planning to write a long post tonight since it's the eve of graduation, but I don't know, I'm really at loss for words now. I can't seem to write anything grand, like how Pisay changed my life or how it redefined the way I see life. I wanna cry in anguish or in joy (doesn't really matter as long as I do), but look ma, tears are nowhere to be found.

Today was just like an ordinary day in Pisay if it weren't for the mass or the breakfast or the Toast to Excellence or the last graduation practice. But no, those things comprised almost the whole chunk of the day, so maybe I'm wrong. But the way I ended this day was as ordinary as it can ever get. Walked, walked, then crossed somewhere, then rode a jeep with a friend. Then stared out of the window, then did my usual reflecting routine when I commute (bad habit, I know). 

But yeah, I did remember and realize a couple of things. I'll make a simple list here so I won't forget, hah.

1. Silly me, I spent lots of times on unnecessary things that no one really cares about and skimped on things that really matter. 

2. An acquaintance once described me as reserved, driven and diligent. I really didn't think I was like those three until now. Reserved, yes (I keep a fairly small group of friends), driven (I tend to push, push and push), and diligent (gosh, the group works 'cept STR :o:)) ). But if there's one word that I'd want the future me to be described as, it's assertive. :D

3. My friends are my heroes! My high school story really, sincerely won't be the same without them. 

4. I still have lots of things to learn about love (like how not to freeze when my crush is around or play the part of a total gullible newbie). I've had few bruises and scratches somewhere, but I'm not to worry because as they say, learning is a lifelong process. :)

5. After long four years of battle: my face didn't survive unscathed apparently =)) Young girl -> sixteen-year old girl with pimples and large eyebags :o

6. It's better to surround yourself with cool people, interesting books/comics/magazines (and in the process, make yourself more cultured) than to direct your energy towards getting high scores. For me, at least. 

7. I should have slept early when I could instead of wasting my time in late-night surfing and reading. Precious hours taken away from my youth, gosh. :))

8. And I don't know, to sum up things. I'll probably succintly describe Pisay as this: A Place Where I Discovered A Whole New World. :D

P.S. Something I found in Abby's Tumblr after I finished writing this:
"Follow your heart but take your brain with you."
- Just thought it was relevant. I'll be doing this. Promise. :)

when one hello makes your day

dear crush,

hi there! why do you have to be so cute and I have to notice you? i kinda feel sad because the school year's ending and i'm not gonna see you for a long, long while. well yeah, just saying. i never really knew that I'm a hopeless romantic until now. so i guess... see you when i see you?

recurring thoughts

Tonight, I've been looking at old notes, photos and messages— anything that reminds me of the past year. Though so many things have happened since then, the memories remain intact, though slightly laid aside like a bunch of dried leaves raked during autumn.

I still remember the nights I promised to myself I'd get better. Make hard choices. Distance myself from things or places or people that do not bring good vibes or fortune. And in fact, I did.

This ongoing whirlwind ride motivates me to wake up every day in the hopes of improving in every way possible. I no longer want to be weak, gullible, distracted, insecure, perpetually late, apathetic, or whatever bad thing (you name it). I want to become a better daughter, sister, student, citizen. (Of course, I have even more roles than the ones listed here, but those things are what I'm focusing on right now).

Just how much more willpower will it take for me to achieve these things? I want to grow— really grow and start giving more of myself to others. I've been an island for so long.

And it's lonely that way.

Somehow, I kinda miss the old me too. The girl that didn't worry as much about the things ahead of her, the carefree one living her life one day at a time. She's weak and gullible (not that I'm not at all now :)) ), yes, but maybe she had a few redeeming qualities too.

Siyempre napaisip na naman ako. Itutulog ko na lang muna 'to. :-j

alien dreams

the marvelous ferocity of a
       dream foregone
to curb their fears,
       the wails of money (many)
like the sliced mangoes reeking of fish sauce
       that you put up with
       with a half-baked smile
like the DOM you spread your legs for
       to seal the deal
      and satisfy the barangay
and what of childhood dreams
       or  the promises to keep
       and the faint sign of life
       out there, somewhere?
the  star seems all so near now
       yet so distant,
       because truly, you'd much rather be
       elsewhere.