42 minutes 'til December
Enough to give me the shiver
(I was supposed to craft a decent poem, but the hell week's a bummer.)
Where is the moment we needed the most? You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
TGFMF
"You can be surrounded by a sea of people and still feel all alone."
Thank God for my friends.
It usually takes time for me to find a person worth keeping. I'm a little eccentric and I know that not everyone can keep up with that. I sometimes get raised eyebrows or frustrated looks when I mention a certain book or character I'm engrossed with, though that's not a reason to stop sharing stuff with people, of course.
Some of my friends are chatty, loud, and all, but I think I'm starting to get the trend now. Many of my close friends are dudes who I felt awkward with before. Many of them, I used to deliberately ignore, back when I was still mean and all. What's good is that I somehow managed to turn all of them into friends– and real, good ones at that. They're willing to walk around with me when I feel like sharing my thoughts, and listen to my ever-random rants about people and life in general. Truly, I thank God for my guy friends.
I thank God for my girl friends as well. The ones I can giggle with as much as I like, the ones I can share my juicy secrets with, and those who inspire me to become a better person. (Not that my guy friends do not inspire me to become better, of course) My girl friends are the ones I can run to when I feel like fangirling, or terminating the whole male species. Extreme ends of the spectrum, don't you think so?
I hope, though, that they (both male and female) enjoy the friendship as much as I do. I hope I don't bore or annoy them or whatsoever. I hope time and space won't succeed in drifting us apart after high school. I hope I can get to keep them as friends forever.
P.S. It's a sad thing that I don't talk to some people I used to consider as friends anymore. I don't know what happened. Life happens, maybe? I'm afraid to ask them for fear they won't even care, and I am afraid to ask the question to myself as well.
Thank God for my friends.
It usually takes time for me to find a person worth keeping. I'm a little eccentric and I know that not everyone can keep up with that. I sometimes get raised eyebrows or frustrated looks when I mention a certain book or character I'm engrossed with, though that's not a reason to stop sharing stuff with people, of course.
Some of my friends are chatty, loud, and all, but I think I'm starting to get the trend now. Many of my close friends are dudes who I felt awkward with before. Many of them, I used to deliberately ignore, back when I was still mean and all. What's good is that I somehow managed to turn all of them into friends– and real, good ones at that. They're willing to walk around with me when I feel like sharing my thoughts, and listen to my ever-random rants about people and life in general. Truly, I thank God for my guy friends.
I thank God for my girl friends as well. The ones I can giggle with as much as I like, the ones I can share my juicy secrets with, and those who inspire me to become a better person. (Not that my guy friends do not inspire me to become better, of course) My girl friends are the ones I can run to when I feel like fangirling, or terminating the whole male species. Extreme ends of the spectrum, don't you think so?
I hope, though, that they (both male and female) enjoy the friendship as much as I do. I hope I don't bore or annoy them or whatsoever. I hope time and space won't succeed in drifting us apart after high school. I hope I can get to keep them as friends forever.
P.S. It's a sad thing that I don't talk to some people I used to consider as friends anymore. I don't know what happened. Life happens, maybe? I'm afraid to ask them for fear they won't even care, and I am afraid to ask the question to myself as well.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
ugh
Trying to remember a certain person is like waking up after a traumatizing dream. I don't know if that dream existed in the first place or it was just some mindplay that got too far. Neither do I know why I failed to keep my guard, when all I've been doing all my life is sheltering my heart from all sorts of harm.
When people to get too close for comfort, my life turns into a disaster. I should have kept that in mind earlier.
When people to get too close for comfort, my life turns into a disaster. I should have kept that in mind earlier.
mi primer amor
One of the things that made me happy today was a conversation with a good friend of mine. We don't often talk but when we do, it really gives me the kind of feeling that people write novels about. A caveat, though - that feeling is nowhere near love as our friendship is purely platonic. Things used to be awkward between us, but I gave our friendship a chance and I'm glad I made that decision. For some reason, when the two of us hang out, our talk often leads to love-related topics. I won't dwell on those things since those are private, but today, he said some things that really hit me - hence the blog post.
What I said: I really really want to go to college already. My life is a stone's throw away from the peak of entropy level (if such a thing exists) and I feel that college will enable me to start with a clean slate.
What he said: Same goes for me. I want to go to college already. But unlike you, I want to end things with a clean slate because only then can I begin again. Do you think you can simply run away? The past will haunt you forever unless you take measures to resolve the conflicts bothering you. If you don't get my point, consider a buffet meal. Can you fully enjoy the main course if bits and pieces of the appetizer are still on your plate?
___________________________________
What I said: Hey, who's your first love?
What he said: None yet.
What I said: Really? Well, this is something I always ask my close friends. Who deserves the title "My First Love" in your life? Is it the person you first had a crush on, the first one you had a mutual understanding with, your first boyfriend, or what?
What he said: It depends. How do you define love? For starters, dictionary definition states you love a person when you're willing to sacrifice for him/her even if you don't get something in return.
What I said: In the first place, that's not a dictionary definition. My trusty dictionary says it's having an intense passion or great liking for someone.
What he said: But that could be lust, you know.
And then we blabbered and all after that. Anyway, that was seemingly a no-brainer, don't you think? Yet that only occurred to me for the first time today. I guess my perception has been distorted by movies or shows or whatever. I've been wondering what's first love when a more basic question should have been answered instead.
With how I define romantic love, it seems like I am yet to meet my first love.
What I said: I really really want to go to college already. My life is a stone's throw away from the peak of entropy level (if such a thing exists) and I feel that college will enable me to start with a clean slate.
What he said: Same goes for me. I want to go to college already. But unlike you, I want to end things with a clean slate because only then can I begin again. Do you think you can simply run away? The past will haunt you forever unless you take measures to resolve the conflicts bothering you. If you don't get my point, consider a buffet meal. Can you fully enjoy the main course if bits and pieces of the appetizer are still on your plate?
___________________________________
What I said: Hey, who's your first love?
What he said: None yet.
What I said: Really? Well, this is something I always ask my close friends. Who deserves the title "My First Love" in your life? Is it the person you first had a crush on, the first one you had a mutual understanding with, your first boyfriend, or what?
What he said: It depends. How do you define love? For starters, dictionary definition states you love a person when you're willing to sacrifice for him/her even if you don't get something in return.
What I said: In the first place, that's not a dictionary definition. My trusty dictionary says it's having an intense passion or great liking for someone.
What he said: But that could be lust, you know.
And then we blabbered and all after that. Anyway, that was seemingly a no-brainer, don't you think? Yet that only occurred to me for the first time today. I guess my perception has been distorted by movies or shows or whatever. I've been wondering what's first love when a more basic question should have been answered instead.
With how I define romantic love, it seems like I am yet to meet my first love.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
note to self
What a relief it was when you realized that you can live without many, many things. And people.
Sub-crap in life is sometimes tolerable, but it must not be deemed eternally acceptable if you want to lead a happy, fulfilling life. With your limited time and energy, the least you could do for yourself is know what you deserve and strive to follow the path towards that end. So that means, no more of self-pitying statements such as "I can't do what I want" or "My friends don't appreciate me" or "My parents want me to be this instead of that" or "Forever alone friends, let's unite."
Sub-crap in life is sometimes tolerable, but it must not be deemed eternally acceptable if you want to lead a happy, fulfilling life. With your limited time and energy, the least you could do for yourself is know what you deserve and strive to follow the path towards that end. So that means, no more of self-pitying statements such as "I can't do what I want" or "My friends don't appreciate me" or "My parents want me to be this instead of that" or "Forever alone friends, let's unite."
defining awkward
I've been an awkward person for as long as I could remember. It's not a normal day without tripping down the stairs, being left dumbfounded by a cocky retort of an acquaintance, or feeling stupid after attending a PE class. Those things are already slightly depressing by themselves.
However, for me, those things are not the worst part of being awkward.
Have you ever passed by an old friend in a hallway and pretended to look at other things because you do not want to acknowledge his/her presence, but forcing a smile anyway because the person has seen you already and you do not want to appear as a snob?
Have you ever been asked to give a few words in front after listening to a boring talk or discussion, and standing there not knowing what to do because 1) you don't particularly like speaking in front and 2) you haven't listened at all, which makes things a lot worse?
Have you ever been stuck with an enemy/old flame in an elevator or a room or any secluded place and trying (yet failing hard) to remain composed while millions of things running in your mind?
Have you ever given a fairly clever comment about a person, only to realize that the exactly same person is right behind you?
Have you ever tried giving a serious comment on anything, and getting bursts of laughter instead of decent responses because people were thinking your comment was meant to be a joke?
I hope I'm not alone.
However, for me, those things are not the worst part of being awkward.
Have you ever passed by an old friend in a hallway and pretended to look at other things because you do not want to acknowledge his/her presence, but forcing a smile anyway because the person has seen you already and you do not want to appear as a snob?
Have you ever been asked to give a few words in front after listening to a boring talk or discussion, and standing there not knowing what to do because 1) you don't particularly like speaking in front and 2) you haven't listened at all, which makes things a lot worse?
Have you ever been stuck with an enemy/old flame in an elevator or a room or any secluded place and trying (yet failing hard) to remain composed while millions of things running in your mind?
Have you ever given a fairly clever comment about a person, only to realize that the exactly same person is right behind you?
Have you ever tried giving a serious comment on anything, and getting bursts of laughter instead of decent responses because people were thinking your comment was meant to be a joke?
I hope I'm not alone.
Friday, November 19, 2010
take me away to better days
"I've got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine
I got a love and I know that it's all mine, oh oh oh
Do what you want but you're never gonna break me
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me, oh oh oh"
I love this song, and everything it reminds me of.
More than the catchy tune of Natasha Bedingfield's Pocketful of Sunshine, I think the the song is worthy of special mention in my blog because of its positive message and feel-good vibe.
Its LSS-inducing powers have worked its way into my brain now, but I fear not, because hey, the lyrics are something close to self-affirmation right?
I got a love and I know that it's all mine, oh oh oh
Do what you want but you're never gonna break me
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me, oh oh oh"
I love this song, and everything it reminds me of.
More than the catchy tune of Natasha Bedingfield's Pocketful of Sunshine, I think the the song is worthy of special mention in my blog because of its positive message and feel-good vibe.
Its LSS-inducing powers have worked its way into my brain now, but I fear not, because hey, the lyrics are something close to self-affirmation right?
Sunday, November 14, 2010
into the blue
You're a light year away
And something keeps me at bay
You're a whole new creature
And my resort is the aperture
My nights were never this gloomy
Crickets, old songs are my new company
The fleeting notes but sink below the surface
And whatever is left reminds me of your face
The silence deafens me completely
And your indifference eludes me
The jade of spades is nowhere near as good as you
King of hearts, I miss you.
And something keeps me at bay
You're a whole new creature
And my resort is the aperture
My nights were never this gloomy
Crickets, old songs are my new company
The fleeting notes but sink below the surface
And whatever is left reminds me of your face
The silence deafens me completely
And your indifference eludes me
The jade of spades is nowhere near as good as you
King of hearts, I miss you.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
down
Today is a bad day. My pessimist mode is on.
▪ All those long hours of labor for decent-looking grades on my card were wasted. (And I'm not in the mood for "grades aren't everything" rant right now)
▪ I'm trying hard to focus on the important stuff but it's not working.
▪ I feel like I'm too old to start anything great.
▪ My love-hate relationship with the internet is yet to be settled.
▪ Every molecule in my body seems to be a misfit in its own way.
▪ I get annoyed every time I see a certain person.
▪ My family thinks I'm too nerdy and KJ for my own good. (Maybe that's true after all, but they shouldn't shove it to my face).
▪ I'm trying to surround myself with positivity, but something's still wrong with me.
▪ I haven't even started doing any schoolwork. Gah.
▪ All those long hours of labor for decent-looking grades on my card were wasted. (And I'm not in the mood for "grades aren't everything" rant right now)
▪ I'm trying hard to focus on the important stuff but it's not working.
▪ I feel like I'm too old to start anything great.
▪ My love-hate relationship with the internet is yet to be settled.
▪ Every molecule in my body seems to be a misfit in its own way.
▪ I get annoyed every time I see a certain person.
▪ My family thinks I'm too nerdy and KJ for my own good. (Maybe that's true after all, but they shouldn't shove it to my face).
▪ I'm trying to surround myself with positivity, but something's still wrong with me.
▪ I haven't even started doing any schoolwork. Gah.
the ball
The morning is bright and beauty shines somewhere. The music still plays in her mind, albeit she refuses to acknowledge it as such. The masquerade summoned her into a world of euphoria and ecstasy, but now she is back to reality.
For her, it was a spiritual, mental and ethereal one-night stand that definitely took longer than expected. It was a play of two young minds who sought not the thrill of physical touch, but the stimulation of their ideas through which they thought they could conquer the world. But pushing things too far catapulted into a disaster, and now that she has turned her back on her foolish ways, she is never going back.
She feels like saying a proper goodbye, but she is simply not brave enough.
For her, it was a spiritual, mental and ethereal one-night stand that definitely took longer than expected. It was a play of two young minds who sought not the thrill of physical touch, but the stimulation of their ideas through which they thought they could conquer the world. But pushing things too far catapulted into a disaster, and now that she has turned her back on her foolish ways, she is never going back.
She feels like saying a proper goodbye, but she is simply not brave enough.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
on a little brown leather notebook
Here's something I wrote last April 21, 2009 on a small Japanese notebook. The notebook was filled with random stuff, like notes my friends wrote during Soph Night, musings and sappy thoughts, among others. Interesting how my perception of the world changed through time, and funny how it seems like I never changed the tiniest bit.
_______________________________
May the vast emptiness in my heart give way to new hopes and unprecedented beginnings.
No longer will I hold on bitterly to the chains of the past. The wasted moments in my life that were spent on silly daydreams and frivolous assumptions will not be for nothing, for it is through these that I finally had my being awakened.
I promise that I'll finally make my life worth living and reach great heights. Sayonara, old me. :)
_______________________________
Wow, yeah right.
I feel like I haven't changed the tiniest bit because it still perfectly applies to me right now. Perhaps I've traveled far and wide, yet ended up on the very same spot where I began. In any case, I shall try to realize these two promises, even only for the sake of my old self.
_______________________________
May the vast emptiness in my heart give way to new hopes and unprecedented beginnings.
No longer will I hold on bitterly to the chains of the past. The wasted moments in my life that were spent on silly daydreams and frivolous assumptions will not be for nothing, for it is through these that I finally had my being awakened.
I promise that I'll finally make my life worth living and reach great heights. Sayonara, old me. :)
_______________________________
Wow, yeah right.
I feel like I haven't changed the tiniest bit because it still perfectly applies to me right now. Perhaps I've traveled far and wide, yet ended up on the very same spot where I began. In any case, I shall try to realize these two promises, even only for the sake of my old self.
eyes wide open
My life is not perfect, though I'm not one to complain. My current friends bring out the best in me. My family and I are on good terms. Right now, everything seems to be fine and pleasant, as if the great storm secretly occurring in my mind has finally subsided to allow the flourishing of new greens and opportunities.
Some unresolved things concerning my academic, social and (even) love life still bother me, but I wonder if they are worth resolving in the first place. Since I could only do so much with my limited time, energy and willpower, I should start concentrating my effort on things that really matter to me.
Right now, I just want to be a better person. If I can make my friends happy, spend some time with my family and get my daily dose of alone time every night for reflection and contemplation, then that's already more than enough for me. If I can broaden my perspective, and actually be able to do things I never thought I could do before, then that's worth celebrating for.
I acted against the natural flow of things for too long. I wasted my time and energy on the most petty things, and thought too much instead of seizing the day. Unconsciously, pushed away people who love me regardless of all my quirks and oddities, and forgot to take care of myself as well.
I was stuck in a rut for long, really. Never thought of things this way until fairly recently.
Some unresolved things concerning my academic, social and (even) love life still bother me, but I wonder if they are worth resolving in the first place. Since I could only do so much with my limited time, energy and willpower, I should start concentrating my effort on things that really matter to me.
Right now, I just want to be a better person. If I can make my friends happy, spend some time with my family and get my daily dose of alone time every night for reflection and contemplation, then that's already more than enough for me. If I can broaden my perspective, and actually be able to do things I never thought I could do before, then that's worth celebrating for.
I acted against the natural flow of things for too long. I wasted my time and energy on the most petty things, and thought too much instead of seizing the day. Unconsciously, pushed away people who love me regardless of all my quirks and oddities, and forgot to take care of myself as well.
I was stuck in a rut for long, really. Never thought of things this way until fairly recently.
Monday, November 8, 2010
my guilty pleasure
I used to watch KDramas for fun during second year. I'd keep my laptop on even in the wee hours so I can finish just one more episode. However, that just one more episode excuse crawled its way into my mind all the time and prevented me from keeping track of the time. I'd say that excuse again and again, and before knowing it, it would be 4 AM or so the next time I look at the wallclock.
Recently, I rediscovered my penchant—not really penchant, but rather, minor interest— for KDramas. I always say that they are perfect for, as I like to call it, romantically-deprived people. Through KDramas, you can get your daily dose of "hoity-toity" even without a significant other. Some people watch KDramas to forget about their bitterness in failed love-related pursuits, but I patronize (some) KDramas because they're perfect virtual best friends. They can make me laugh my pants off to the point that anyone who sees me will think I'm insane for laughing alone (Oops). But hey, I'm serious about this. If your sense of humor is at least 20% similar to mine, you're sure to have at least one good laugh while watching an episode.
During rare occasions, I also manage to find pieces of advice that are worth reflecting on. Like, why you should never give up even when times get hard. Why it almost always pays to be nice and friendly. Why you should love yourself first before giving your heart to someone.
This post may not be making sense (like my previous posts) but anyway. The latest KDrama I'm watching is one that I saw in ABS the last time I switched the TV on (that was a long, long time ago, trust me). It's about a friendship that, despite its own share of uncertainties (the girl lived with the guy because she thought he was gay, how weird is that), blossomed into love. Somehow, it makes me want to find a best friend like that too. Best friend and boyfriend rolled into one. Hmm, someday.
I feel kinda stupid for watching this, partly because it's like admitting that I'm an LMH fangirl (which I'm not), but I get to laugh real hard every day because of this show. And even for that alone, I think wasting time is kinda worth it.
Anyway, there you go, guys. I guess it's safe to say that you've been exposed to one quirky side of me by now.
Recently, I rediscovered my penchant—not really penchant, but rather, minor interest— for KDramas. I always say that they are perfect for, as I like to call it, romantically-deprived people. Through KDramas, you can get your daily dose of "hoity-toity" even without a significant other. Some people watch KDramas to forget about their bitterness in failed love-related pursuits, but I patronize (some) KDramas because they're perfect virtual best friends. They can make me laugh my pants off to the point that anyone who sees me will think I'm insane for laughing alone (Oops). But hey, I'm serious about this. If your sense of humor is at least 20% similar to mine, you're sure to have at least one good laugh while watching an episode.
During rare occasions, I also manage to find pieces of advice that are worth reflecting on. Like, why you should never give up even when times get hard. Why it almost always pays to be nice and friendly. Why you should love yourself first before giving your heart to someone.
This post may not be making sense (like my previous posts) but anyway. The latest KDrama I'm watching is one that I saw in ABS the last time I switched the TV on (that was a long, long time ago, trust me). It's about a friendship that, despite its own share of uncertainties (the girl lived with the guy because she thought he was gay, how weird is that), blossomed into love. Somehow, it makes me want to find a best friend like that too. Best friend and boyfriend rolled into one. Hmm, someday.
I feel kinda stupid for watching this, partly because it's like admitting that I'm an LMH fangirl (which I'm not), but I get to laugh real hard every day because of this show. And even for that alone, I think wasting time is kinda worth it.
Anyway, there you go, guys. I guess it's safe to say that you've been exposed to one quirky side of me by now.
billionaire
I'm starting to get really attached with my guitar. These past few days, all I've been doing is practicing and strumming in my room, hoping I'll be able to play better. Last Friday, when I watched Unpluggd with my Camia (+Isko) friends, I got even more inspired to pursue this new hobby of mine.
I was searching on the internet for songs that are easy to play, and I came across Billionaire. As I said before, my Life Plan X (X because I'm thinking of Plan A, B and so on) involves amassing a huge amount of cash and travelling around the world. Since this song seems to fit with my current state of mind, I decided to give it a try.
I do not know what came into my mind but I decided to do a cover today. It's my first time to do this while playing the guitar. As expected, it didn't turn out to be perfect as there were gaps here and there while changing chords.
Still, it's a nice start, don't you think?
Saturday, November 6, 2010
hmmm
Looks like someone else did the job for me. I do not know if I should be alarmed, though. Maybe this is good riddance.
here comes something
I woke up thinking of a person I could not get off my mind. This person evokes a smile in my face and represents everything unexpected in my life. Yet when thrown into moments like this, I cannot not help but shift to my default mode– that is, shrugging this feeling off and facing my endless to-do list instead.
There are still a lot of things I need and want to do before this year ends. I do not think I can accommodate another source of baggage now.
My life is already complicated as it is. I get moody and sullen sometimes, and I don't know if a person could tolerate that for extended periods of time. Except my best friend, of course, but that does not count.
Also, I figured that I'm okay by myself and I do not need anyone to entertain me or make me happy. What I really need to do is cultivate my existing relationships with friends and family since I could not honestly say that all of these relationships are thriving and well-maintained.
I'm still open to anything, but it would take great lengths to change my mind.
There are still a lot of things I need and want to do before this year ends. I do not think I can accommodate another source of baggage now.
My life is already complicated as it is. I get moody and sullen sometimes, and I don't know if a person could tolerate that for extended periods of time. Except my best friend, of course, but that does not count.
Also, I figured that I'm okay by myself and I do not need anyone to entertain me or make me happy. What I really need to do is cultivate my existing relationships with friends and family since I could not honestly say that all of these relationships are thriving and well-maintained.
I'm still open to anything, but it would take great lengths to change my mind.
Friday, November 5, 2010
you are loved
Often times, we forget one fundamental reality when dealing with people– everyone wants to be loved and reassured. When we see things from this perspective, people's idiosyncrasies start to make more sense.
back into the groove
Getting in touch with an old friend
Seeing the fruits of hard labor
Creating music in the most unexpected places
And keeping one's faith in love
These are the simple joys of life. :)
Seeing the fruits of hard labor
Creating music in the most unexpected places
And keeping one's faith in love
These are the simple joys of life. :)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
her story
I wrote this around five months ago when Sir Castro asked us to talk about about our life's purpose in less than ten sentences. I scribbled bits of stuff in my paper and handed it in, but refined my thoughts when I got home. I saw this in my old blog a while ago and thought of reposting it just so I'll be reminded to keep my bearings.
She was a wandering girl lost in a sea of crowd. With a silver microphone on one hand and a pile of books on another, she aimlessly treaded along the ripples of life, not knowing what is in store for her. Plans and goals seemed to be too much for her brain to contain, and so she stayed away from all these things for years.
Everything seemed perfectly fine; after all, what do children have to do with endless future to-do lists? Instead of worrying, she enjoyed her life from sunrise until sunset, did her chores as usual, and slept soundly every night. However, as time went by, the leaves of her childhood slowly fell off one by one. Clearly, these leaves could not be contained in the tree of life forever. And so, as she woke up one day, she looked in the mirror and came across an amazingly wonderful sight– a young girl blossomed into a young woman full of glow, vigor and promise.
A series of seemingly magical transformations have filled the young woman’s life with color and thrill. Her world expanded almost beyond her reach− she encountered lots of new faces, traveled to different places, and bombarded with lots of radical ideas. Deep inside though, she was still this aimlessly wandering girl but alas! This time, she now had a dream, a blurry yet existent vision of what she wanted to be.
Just like Sleeping Beauty whose senses have been reawakened after a hundred years or so, the fire in her has finally unleashed its powers after a long, deep slumber. She realized that she could not remain to be the person she was before, and resolved that she must grow. That is exactly why she is here on Earth.
She was a wandering girl lost in a sea of crowd. With a silver microphone on one hand and a pile of books on another, she aimlessly treaded along the ripples of life, not knowing what is in store for her. Plans and goals seemed to be too much for her brain to contain, and so she stayed away from all these things for years.
Everything seemed perfectly fine; after all, what do children have to do with endless future to-do lists? Instead of worrying, she enjoyed her life from sunrise until sunset, did her chores as usual, and slept soundly every night. However, as time went by, the leaves of her childhood slowly fell off one by one. Clearly, these leaves could not be contained in the tree of life forever. And so, as she woke up one day, she looked in the mirror and came across an amazingly wonderful sight– a young girl blossomed into a young woman full of glow, vigor and promise.
A series of seemingly magical transformations have filled the young woman’s life with color and thrill. Her world expanded almost beyond her reach− she encountered lots of new faces, traveled to different places, and bombarded with lots of radical ideas. Deep inside though, she was still this aimlessly wandering girl but alas! This time, she now had a dream, a blurry yet existent vision of what she wanted to be.
Just like Sleeping Beauty whose senses have been reawakened after a hundred years or so, the fire in her has finally unleashed its powers after a long, deep slumber. She realized that she could not remain to be the person she was before, and resolved that she must grow. That is exactly why she is here on Earth.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
three questions.
Someone please answer.
How do you know that a friendship is worth keeping?
How do you know that your feelings for someone are worth holding on to?
How do you know if the path you're traversing is the way to happiness?
(Or maybe the questions are wrong in the first place. I don't know. But then again, there's no such thing as a wrong question– wrongly-phrased question, maybe.)
How do you know that a friendship is worth keeping?
How do you know that your feelings for someone are worth holding on to?
How do you know if the path you're traversing is the way to happiness?
(Or maybe the questions are wrong in the first place. I don't know. But then again, there's no such thing as a wrong question– wrongly-phrased question, maybe.)
omega
I once knew two people− one was someone I held dearly for a long time, the other I met during a brief yet fateful encounter several years ago. Somehow, these two people left an impression on me, and whatever I could remember about them− eyes, scent, stature− swirled in my sea of memories. Yet, these distinctive physical characteristics were not all that I kept in mind, if only unconsciously. I looked up to these people, wondering about the source of their mystique and admiring their skills at the same time.
Years passed and my heart and soul underwent a complete metamorphosis. Still, bits and pieces from my previous shell remained intact, including the inner compass within me that seeks whatever seems to be beautiful, sublime, and totally different from my current frame of reality.
_____________________________________
Tonight, I mourn for two things− a chance lost forever, and the death of lingering hope. I have been here and there, travelling in search for elusive happiness. After weeks and months of the mental journey, I thought I succeeded at last, but little did I know that I was preparing myself for gloom, confusion and disappointment.
If I had a choice, I would really rather be okay, like my normal self. But sometimes, circumstances in life push you to the very edge, forcing you to hold on bitterly to the last branch of life or suffer from the death of the soul.
I cry, the tears run dry, I sigh, then cry once more. I get frustrated with myself for being trapped in an endless cycle of thinking and hoping without any sign of deliverance.
Enough is enough, really. I don't want to think about these things anymore.
Years passed and my heart and soul underwent a complete metamorphosis. Still, bits and pieces from my previous shell remained intact, including the inner compass within me that seeks whatever seems to be beautiful, sublime, and totally different from my current frame of reality.
_____________________________________
Tonight, I mourn for two things− a chance lost forever, and the death of lingering hope. I have been here and there, travelling in search for elusive happiness. After weeks and months of the mental journey, I thought I succeeded at last, but little did I know that I was preparing myself for gloom, confusion and disappointment.
If I had a choice, I would really rather be okay, like my normal self. But sometimes, circumstances in life push you to the very edge, forcing you to hold on bitterly to the last branch of life or suffer from the death of the soul.
I cry, the tears run dry, I sigh, then cry once more. I get frustrated with myself for being trapped in an endless cycle of thinking and hoping without any sign of deliverance.
Enough is enough, really. I don't want to think about these things anymore.
Monday, November 1, 2010
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