Life is simple! Don't make it complicated.
I've been meaning to post a multitude of stuff here since many wonderful things happened this YMSAT week, but ever since I started using the little red notebook a few days ago, I've been finding it harder and harder to blog here. There's such a term in Filipino. Suya. Aside from knowing that whatever I'm putting here can be read by anyone with internet access, I'm beginning to ask myself why I should continue maintaining this site when I could just keep a private journal or a password-protected offline file in my laptop.
While I could not decide as to what medium (analog or digital) to use in recording my selected thoughts yet, I guess I'll just keep on writing here first.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
(some teenage angst. wrote this in some random scrap of paper a week ago. i got surprised myself when i read this. seems like i get so over-the-top when my emotions take over)
Life sucks. Just when you thought you've done the sweetest act of revenge, the goddess of fate suddenly turns her back and laughs at you contemptuously. If there's anything recent that I've learned, it's that you may plan and plan but things won't turn out exactly as you hoped they would.
If that is the case, what then is the sense of planning, hoping or dreaming? Some things that come to mind: thinking keeps our minds occupied, and gives the illusion of control as well. These two things seem to apply in my case. I love the process of planning but I often become frustrated because of my inability to carry out these things. The same is true when I expect. It's so frustrating because more often than not, I just get disappointed.
P.S. I noticed that I only blog when a) I have problems or b) when I get inexplicably happy. Because the latter doesn't happen very often, this blog gets filled with negativity. A random site visitor would probably that I'm a hopeless, miserable creature. Not that I care, but I think that blogging about pretty, pleasant things in my life from now on won't really hurt. :p
Life sucks. Just when you thought you've done the sweetest act of revenge, the goddess of fate suddenly turns her back and laughs at you contemptuously. If there's anything recent that I've learned, it's that you may plan and plan but things won't turn out exactly as you hoped they would.
If that is the case, what then is the sense of planning, hoping or dreaming? Some things that come to mind: thinking keeps our minds occupied, and gives the illusion of control as well. These two things seem to apply in my case. I love the process of planning but I often become frustrated because of my inability to carry out these things. The same is true when I expect. It's so frustrating because more often than not, I just get disappointed.
P.S. I noticed that I only blog when a) I have problems or b) when I get inexplicably happy. Because the latter doesn't happen very often, this blog gets filled with negativity. A random site visitor would probably that I'm a hopeless, miserable creature. Not that I care, but I think that blogging about pretty, pleasant things in my life from now on won't really hurt. :p
Friday, January 21, 2011
eggs, carrots and coffee
The dawn is breaking, I can't stop crying
But I remembered: I still have a Math test to attend to first thing in the morning...
Around two weeks ago, I watched Joy Luck Club, an onscreen adaptation of Amy Tan's book with the same title. It explores the relationship of "American" daughters with their Chinese mothers and these mothers with, in turn, their own mothers. The setting and minor details may vary among different cultures, but the underlying truths remain almost the same. My two cents is that a mother instills a seed of her own self into her own daughter and no matter what one does, that seed transforms into, one way or another, a self-fulfilling prophecy that defines the daughter for life.
Daughters are certainly different from their mothers. But as we dig deeper into their relationships, we'll see that the belief system of mothers, combined with their experiences, provides a major influence to the outlook of their daughters.
They say most daughters do not want to be like their mothers. To make it clear, that is not entirely true. This statement cannot be generalized. However, suppose this was perfectly true. I still think, though, that daughters cannot ever be unlike their own mothers. Look at a seemingly strong, independent and capable woman and her soft, timid, battered mother. These two personalities may seem very different, but it is only because we have not strayed too far from the surface.
I want to be like my grandmother right now. She seems so strong and decisive and everything a woman needs to be. But I never know, of course. In the midst of adversity, who am I to say who's strong and who's not?
But I remembered: I still have a Math test to attend to first thing in the morning...
Around two weeks ago, I watched Joy Luck Club, an onscreen adaptation of Amy Tan's book with the same title. It explores the relationship of "American" daughters with their Chinese mothers and these mothers with, in turn, their own mothers. The setting and minor details may vary among different cultures, but the underlying truths remain almost the same. My two cents is that a mother instills a seed of her own self into her own daughter and no matter what one does, that seed transforms into, one way or another, a self-fulfilling prophecy that defines the daughter for life.
Daughters are certainly different from their mothers. But as we dig deeper into their relationships, we'll see that the belief system of mothers, combined with their experiences, provides a major influence to the outlook of their daughters.
They say most daughters do not want to be like their mothers. To make it clear, that is not entirely true. This statement cannot be generalized. However, suppose this was perfectly true. I still think, though, that daughters cannot ever be unlike their own mothers. Look at a seemingly strong, independent and capable woman and her soft, timid, battered mother. These two personalities may seem very different, but it is only because we have not strayed too far from the surface.
I want to be like my grandmother right now. She seems so strong and decisive and everything a woman needs to be. But I never know, of course. In the midst of adversity, who am I to say who's strong and who's not?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
don't mind this
Once again, I was reminded that you couldn't care less and maybe everything was all a joke and I'm stupid to allow myself to think about you again. But I don't know, I guess that's just how life works. All of us, we all experience moments of insanity. ._.
I'm happy I'm happy I'm happy. Okay.
I went to Trinoma today and finally got the planner I wanted. Plus I bought a small pretty red notebook. It's kinda expensive but the cover (it stays in its perfect shape no matter how you try to twist or fold it)was pretty much its selling point. Plus Jeffry also bought the same type of notebook before (his was thinner and smaller though) and I wanted to have a notebook that's same with his. Hahaha.
Liriko tomorrow! I practiced with ASUL when I got back to Pisay. We're still kinda confused with our song choice! I want Limandipang Tao, really. But then the chords I got from the net were kinda weird.
And now, lemme see. I'm kinda bored.
I'm happy I'm happy I'm happy. Okay.
I went to Trinoma today and finally got the planner I wanted. Plus I bought a small pretty red notebook. It's kinda expensive but the cover (it stays in its perfect shape no matter how you try to twist or fold it)was pretty much its selling point. Plus Jeffry also bought the same type of notebook before (his was thinner and smaller though) and I wanted to have a notebook that's same with his. Hahaha.
Liriko tomorrow! I practiced with ASUL when I got back to Pisay. We're still kinda confused with our song choice! I want Limandipang Tao, really. But then the chords I got from the net were kinda weird.
And now, lemme see. I'm kinda bored.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
an interesting day
I badly wanted to go to Trinoma today. I've been itching to buy a planner for quite some time, and I thought this day was the perfect time to finally do so. Instead, I decided to increase the fun quotient(yes, there is such a term in my world)of my week and attend the ACTS small group discussion. Wednesday, I thought, can be reserved for the Trino trip and Liriko practice.
The talk was about taking a stand. A friend did it a while ago. Now, I wonder – will I be able to do the same for myself? I can honestly say that I'm happy with my life now, but I can only say that because I've cleaned my slate prematurely. Erased all traces of evil vibes, promised that I would become better. I think I stood up for my present and past self in that sense.
I wonder, though, if my future self would become proud of me. You, ignorant fool, detestable coward, she would say. "Why didn't you take more chances? Why didn't you live life to the fullest?" One of my greatest fears in life is that I'll be the cause of her bitterness in the future.
So what now? Should I tie all loose ends? End this story like a fairytale?
Somewhere, the ground is really shaky. I don't want my future self to look back with a painful look of regret, but I don't want to destroy the happy world my present self has created for herself.
Sigh, poor ladies.
The talk was about taking a stand. A friend did it a while ago. Now, I wonder – will I be able to do the same for myself? I can honestly say that I'm happy with my life now, but I can only say that because I've cleaned my slate prematurely. Erased all traces of evil vibes, promised that I would become better. I think I stood up for my present and past self in that sense.
I wonder, though, if my future self would become proud of me. You, ignorant fool, detestable coward, she would say. "Why didn't you take more chances? Why didn't you live life to the fullest?" One of my greatest fears in life is that I'll be the cause of her bitterness in the future.
So what now? Should I tie all loose ends? End this story like a fairytale?
Somewhere, the ground is really shaky. I don't want my future self to look back with a painful look of regret, but I don't want to destroy the happy world my present self has created for herself.
Sigh, poor ladies.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
faint footsteps
I run away each and every time
Never managing to make words rhyme
Somewhere, somehow, I know that I will find
A dream to share and a heart to bind
But 'til then, I have to carry on.
---------------------------------
I'm finding it hard to write again. My stream of thoughts hasn't dried up; in fact, I had, I had a plenty of wonderful experiences this week that could have been translated into good posts. It's just that, I'm finding it hard to type and just right. I feel the need to publish polished writing. Edited thoughts. Something like that.
Anyway, the short poem above is something I've written on my way home. My service left me and I had to ride a taxi. Just so happened that while I was looking outside through the window, I heard a somewhat sentimental song on the radio. Then there.
Never managing to make words rhyme
Somewhere, somehow, I know that I will find
A dream to share and a heart to bind
But 'til then, I have to carry on.
---------------------------------
I'm finding it hard to write again. My stream of thoughts hasn't dried up; in fact, I had, I had a plenty of wonderful experiences this week that could have been translated into good posts. It's just that, I'm finding it hard to type and just right. I feel the need to publish polished writing. Edited thoughts. Something like that.
Anyway, the short poem above is something I've written on my way home. My service left me and I had to ride a taxi. Just so happened that while I was looking outside through the window, I heard a somewhat sentimental song on the radio. Then there.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
kitchen creatures
crispy creative thoughts drowning in milk
caramel daydreams entangled with silk
coffee and bread while the morning sun's lit
cookies and ice cream to boost my spirit
caramel daydreams entangled with silk
coffee and bread while the morning sun's lit
cookies and ice cream to boost my spirit
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