Realization #71

My craft is only a means for something bigger and more relevant to the needs of others, and not an end in itself.

Everything I Learned In Life I Learned in Theater

An article by Anna Oposa.



And oh, by the way, she's awesome.

PIECE OF HEART, PEACE OF MIND

Reseta at Letra

This too shall pass

That moment when you love having written more than the act of writing itself.

Writing block is cruel.

This makes me realize that I should cherish greatly the joy of expressing. After all, that day when I can't get myself to write no matter what I do may not too far from reality.

happy heart

and i don't mind at all, really. it's about time. i hope this feeling lasts long.

Oh, what a cool word

ennui |änˈwē|

noun

a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.

(bear with me. oh the cheesy and dreamy Disney vibes)

I love this blog. It's the only place where I permit (and actually encourage) myself to be incoherent. HAHA.

"Be humble, but keep on shining."

Words written by my dear grandma. (Actually a nice mantra to live by, don't you think?)

Anyway, the comment that I received from her brought back to mind what my adviser told me two years ago.

"I appreciate your closeness with your mother. You are a quiet star waiting to be discovered."

In retrospect, this seems to be one of the best compliments I ever received. For one, I really value my relationship with my Mom and I was glad to know that someone else noticed how that relationship takes centerstage in my life. Second, she described my sentiments back then succintly yet beautifully.

Juxtaposing these two remarks = brief moment of coming full circle.

Everything My Father Taught Me 101

"Be patient. Lahat ng bagay may panahon, tandaan mo yan."

Must. Repeat. That. To. Self.

The resemblance is just so hard to miss. I really see myself in Freddie.

Need to email Ma'am O. soon.

“”It would be possible to describe everything scientifically, but it would make no sense; it would be without meaning, as if you described a Beethoven symphony as a variation of wave pressure.”— Albert Einstein

Even the most astounding truths about life that I've come to realize when I got out of the shower ten minutes ago, I could not eloquently express now.

Nevertheless, I think it all boils down to (and yes, in that order) 1. attraction vs 2. compatibility and 3. self-love.

Hi life! I'm facing you head-on.

the threshold of awkward

I'm outta this


P.S. On other news, today's my parents' anniversary! Wolo long.

Boys boys boys

Okay, this weekend was sufficiently interesting.

Things to do:
[ ] 50% Socsci Critique
[ ] Review for Bio Quiz
[ ] Read Chem Lab Rules
[ ] Be prim and proper during Chem Lab
[ ] Buy new clothes (you haven't done that since forever)
[ ] FOCUS!!!

I feel the Christmas vibes. :)

The sole constant in my to-do list

Get schoolwork done so I can live an interesting life.

Out with the new, in with the old.

The truth is, I'll never get tired of you.

Inattentive and imperceptive

It amazes me how dangerously easy it is to overlook good things, people and experiences simply because we keep on focusing on things that cannot (and should not) be.

Reliability, ability to listen and kindness — these are very good qualities that my sane self was stupid enough to overlook.

But I'm done with the hopeless overthinking and I'm ready to move forward. I want to direct the (however short) attention span that I have to something worth it.

P.S. Future self, be proud. :>

2011 in Retrospect (Not Quite Yet)

I used to write all the time on this blog, but for some reason, I stopped my daily sessions of contemplating on paper and resorted to fleeting thoughts in my mind.

For quite some time, I've been waiting for the last few days of December to come, so I can write about how good this year was for me. 2011. I love love love 2011. Let me count the reasons.

• I got to know myself really, really better (yes I understand that my laziness leads to the overuse of qualifiers). Probably it's the what-do-I-do-with-my-life torment during high school-college transition  that has led me to this point. The IPC sessions about self-awareness didn't hurt either. 
• A huge burst of creative inspiration. Wrote essays and children stories, something I wasn't able to do a lot of times during my high school years. It's probably more of deciding that you want to do these things, rather than waiting for the perfect inspiration to strike you. It's more about the process, rather than the end result. It's all about moving forward and taking small steps, rather than cowering in fear.
• My 16th Birthday was very memorable. I invited all my close friends and some people who are rather important to me (especially at that time), and treated them to a nice dinner in my house. We sang in the karaoke too and played with cards. Haha. Five of my friends slept over and we watched movies. I didn't expect the huge love (not to mention some rather exciting gifts).
• My first encounter with theater! I've been thinking about watching musicals for a long time already, but I haven't taken the time to actually do it because 1. I (always) think I'm busy 2. The tickets are kinda pricey and I'm stingy. I'm glad I finally dipped my feet in the interesting waters of theater! I watched Sweet Charity, The Sound of Music and Noli Me Tangere. More shows to come! Or not. I'm thinking of spending my parent's money (HAHA) somewhere else this year. I want to attend more dynamic events like forums, museum talks, book signings, etc. Nevertheless, watching shows occasionally still has the potential of putting more flavor to my 2012. 
• INTARMED. I confess that I haven't been exactly the most enthusiastic person when it comes to this course. I've had certain highs and lows this year because of this particular issue. Putting my doubts aside, however, I've had plenty of new and interesting experiences with IMED. Manila life. Independence. New friends. Yeah. So far I still haven't exhausted the list of possible good things I should try out, though. Like orgs and stuff. 
• Mr. and Ms. Freshie and BPI Search for Ten Outstanding Pinoy Expat Pinoy Children. Two very good opportunities that have allowed me to meet new people and see new perspectives in my otherwise uneventful life. Kidding :)) All jokes are half-meant, though. Someone (Mark Twain I think?) once said that twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by things you did not do than by the ones you did do. The point of the quote is that we should be open to opportunities and go with the flow (when it comes to good things of course). Live our lives well. :)
• Macbook Pro. :">
• Graduation! Oh, how can I ever forget. Saying goodbye to your friends is surely no fun, yes, but there's something that I've realized recently. Actually, just now. You know how in romantic movies, the plot reaches the climax and curtain finally rolls after a minute or so? The lovers don't go on and on, talking about how they could be in love with each other forever. The movie ends, so that the viewers can fill the next parts themselves. So with high school. We can't be in high school forever, because its magic actually lies in the fact that the special does not last forever. Now we have our whole lives to reminisce and remember the good stuff.
• So far, that's about it. I'll throw in a random thing to make this list more, uh, casual. Super Bass been's the last rap song I've learned since Stupid Love (which I learned when I was still a kid). So yay for progress in rapping :))

In 2012:

• Learn more rap songs :))
• Join orgs and get more involved.
• The ones mentioned above
• Do baby steps towards achieving my life dreams and see my efforts come into fruition. Yeah, cheesy I know. One thing I've learned is not to belittle my thoughts. I should, first and foremost, be my staunchest supporter. :>
• Be more giving. Pay back and pay forward.
• Live life to the fullest!

I want 2012 to be an even better year than 2011. After all, what if the Mayans were really right?

"Ang hirap ng life ngayon no? It's that part where you actually try to make your dreams happen. Tama ba?"

(snippet from a facebook convo)

Off the Record

Back in high school, I only used to care about my family, friends and grades. And probably the occasional (and not-so-occasional) crushes.

But college has instilled upon me a seed that is far greater than anything I have been content to live with all my life. I long to create something greater than myself, live with a higher sense of purpose, and, to put it simply, wake up with a big smile on my face knowing that my day is going to be made of awesome. '

For most part, my college part has been nothing short of the usual routine of getting up, fixing myself, going to school, mingling with friends and other mundane activities. For a person who likes variety and excitement, this current situation can be frustrating — and maybe, even depressing.

Since I've figured out what I want to do in my life, everything started to fall into a perspective I've never had before. Some things I've stressed over before turned into trivial pursuits, while some things I barely held in good faith became my saving grace.

But still I am defeated — cowardly, indecisive, uncertain of what is and is to come.

Still, I am eyeing the great view from the sidelines, silently wondering if this is all there is to talk about my current reality.

One of these days, I hope I can be one of these two things — a person with insight, who understands that today is not forever, or a person with conviction, who takes a risk for that certain something worth believing in.

Feynman and Grit

I am only halfway done reading this book, but it's really really good. 

It uses jargon, yes, but I assure you that the book doesn't go overboard.

It's amazing to get into the head of this genius (since Feynman wrote the book himself).

Plus, the short anecdotes of our hero are fun! They make me laugh, think and wonder. 

Feynman, obviously has grit (something that I've been reading about lately). 

Grit means staying true to your goals, notwithstanding hardships and difficulties.

It also means persisting, and valuing the process of creating, as opposed to results.

Link about grit: Grit Is More Important than Talent

(Okay, this was an incoherent post. But this blog is an online record book, remember? :)) )

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Yay. :)
Now it's time to throw in more fun to my sembreak.

You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.

Just A Thought

Oh wow, I've successfully thrown everyone
out of my life and now I'm alone.

Coincidence?

Yet another moment that will probably change my life forever, though I do not realize it now (Oh wait, I just did).

Still waiting for a revelation.

#spirituality  #thatpersoninthebookstore

The M Word

Since when did I get interested in marketing?

I've been reading plenty of articles about it for the past few months.

I think my mom's college course is all about marketing too.

So look who's following her footsteps :))

(Not on a professional level though)

Note: Sorry if my blog has become a hodge-podge of semi-fuzzy ideas. From a decent online platform, it has turned out to be a messy online record book. But hey, that's just the way I like it.

Reality is better than any other thing

IN A NUTSHELL

Most awesome weekend ever! Two lovely packages + Sarah's debut + Sleepover with Adelfa and Camia girls + Fort Santiago + MOA! :)

Also, new beginnings.

NO ONE LAUGHS AT LOVE

I’m gonna write from the soul

Though you don’t deserve a song

And I shall cry my heart out

Until I laugh at love no more

You can achieve anything

That you put your heart and mind into?

Well, it’s not at all true

And it’s all because of you

You remind me of

Stolen glances

Happy places

Bittersweet moments

But mostly sad endings.

What do I remind you of?

Nothing.

And I can’t even write now because of the rolling karaoke

And the glistening water in my face

And the uncomfortable sensation from too much walking

But no

Mostly, it’s because I’ve ran out of songs

You are no longer my song

Ha-ha, ha-ha

Taking cue from Regina Spektor and whispering
(silently whimpering)
my very last song for you

No one laughs at love when it seems like forever

No one laughs at love when everything’s okay

No one’s laughing at love when God has made way for what seems to be the best story as of yet

But love could be funny

When your mind is tired

And your knees are shaking

And your heart is crying

Out of shame, regret and longing

Ha-ha, ha-ha

What could be more futile than love

Than a fertile ground in forever, frozen

A SHORT BUT IMPORTANT ANECDOTE

My family and I went to Mall of Asia to ice skate, but then there was no room for us since too many people visit on Sundays. So instead, I made hints that we should watch a movie in IMAX instead. It seems as though they didn't like the idea though. I felt kinda :| (how do I describe the feeling), but when I saw the beautiful sunset and the glistening sea, I did not protest anymore. Why settle for virtual reality, when you can have reality?

And, on a similar note, why waste time on things that cannot be, when you can choose to be happy?

The boring streak ends here :)

Hi, exciting life!

Music Dump

Because I'm a forgetful creature, and I don't want my future self to be clueless as to what she she had been doing when she was sixteen.

Mostly popular songs in this post. Nothing indie or anything.

One of these days I'll rap like this. (I want to, at least.)

One of these days I'll sing like this. Sweet and soulful.

So maybe this really isn't a popular song. But this song goes into my list anyway.

One of these days I'll write a beautiful song like this. Clever and hooking (in some kind of weird and 

twisted way).

There goes my short list. Off to make my sembreak interesting now. :)

Edit: Recent Addition ('cause I only listened to the song just now): Avenue Q's For Now.

The top Youtube comment says it all: 

I think I'll listen to more Avenue Q songs in the coming days.

Toodles (for real)! :)

Today should be a happy day. Bye bad vibes. :)

Good way to ruin a good day

This song's been playing in my head for weeks already, and today, I figured that it was for a good reason. I think there will always be a skeptical and careful part of me that will consciously avoid, prevent and minimize any special encounter with the opposite sex. Simply because I'm afraid of mishaps and bad things and basically everything. Not making a choice doesn't mean being exempt from the pain, however.

(And yeah. Add that to the fact that I haven't seen someone seriously interesting interesting for the past few months.)

I've been trying to lay down before me an optimum path that is, as much as possible, fool-proof and nice-on-paper. Because I'm afraid that history will repeat itself and my dreams and happy ending will be sent to oblivion before they even get realized.

Family. Love. Money. Relationships. Life. Happiness.

I've been trying to be strong, okay. Practically my whole life, really.

Patterns are a curse. I want to deviate from the pattern and make the right decisions and make my life happy and successful and meaningful.

I shall not stagnate.

P.S. Oh, by the way, we had this Camia thing a while ago. It was a mini-celebration-slash-reunion for Sarah's birthday. People who attended: Jon, Otan, Amanda, Pauline, Justin, Kristine.

It was just high school all over again okay. Some feelings and things just never go away.

In case I forget (because I forgot my special red notebook and it's in the dorm), I'll record the things we did here: Supposed to watch a movie (What's Your Number), but took a group photo instead. Went near Timezone, and ended up riding carousels. It was sooooo fun (sense the sarcasm :)) ). Then we ate DQ. Mine's strawberry banana (cause that's my favorite flavor).

So yeah, that's basically it. Short and sweet to say the least. I look forward to seeing everyone on Saturday. :)

And with that I end my post. But not before I put two essential pieces of advice for myself (that I stole from Moper):
1) Don't make decisions that you will regret, but
2) Never live a single moment of your life with regret

And yeah, also: Make life awesome. :D

Yay, it's finally the sembreak! The post of this title should have been "Happiness beckons" or basically anything that contains the word "happy", because I know that's what I should feel by now. But no. I don't feel happy. The emo trigger has popped tonight and it's making me miserable.

In any case, I've done quite a few nice things this weekend. I figured it's about time to punctuate the first sem with a few good things for my soul:

[x]  Read Life of Pi by Yann Martel (Provoking book! If there's anything I've learned aside from life and faith and practical shizz about animals, it's the tiring routine of looking at the blue expanse that my father probably falls into whenever he's aboard).

[x] Jogging. Though this is something that's more for my body than for my soul. We rarely have the chance to do physical activities in Manila, and yeah, it hasn't done my body any good.

[x] Tried to play Sway by Bic Runga on the piano. I'm not yet done though. 'Cause like, I'm no pro, and yeah. You get the drift. I got the sheet music and all but I forgot everything that I learned in Pisay music classes. I resolved to make do with a Youtube tutorial video instead.

[ ] Read the story "Flight to the Stars", the first in a collection of stories in a book by Samantha Coyiuto. I bought the book because of her age, primarily. :)) She's only 16 but she's already a published writer.

Here's something I wish I'd done this weekend:

[ ] Watch Next to Normal. I really, really wanted to watch this. I planned to watch with my IMED friends, but it didn't push through in the end. For one, the tickets were expensive, and also, I think they wanted to do their Comm/Kom paper this weekend. I swear I'll watch a musical before this year ends.

[ ] Fix my room. It's been a stockpile of sorts since I moved to a dorm last June. Not good.

If I were my old self, I would probably proceed to the part where I rant about my life and love and other things in between. But no. That gets tiring din pala.

I know I'll have my happily-ever-after soon enough (especially if I don't keep track of the days and foget the conscious pursuit of happily-ever-after altogether.

I know the residing cynic in me will probably laugh at this post and the mention of the world "happily-ever-after," but whatever, okay.

I know I should do Kom stuff now. 

Bad

It may be a good idea to write about the things that you learned each day and compile them into a neat list. Something like this:
 http://o1iman.wordpress.com/everyday-a-new-day/

I'm not really in the mood to write right now (I feel kinda bad), but I just wanted to record this nifty idea in my space!

I think I'm having mid-midlife crisis and I'm thinking about the sense of doing it all. I've always been the studious girl, but now the lazy and unproductive me surfaces and progresses to eat  the goody-goody version of me. Not to mention that I've been reading articles with titles such as "Why You Don't Need A College Degree" and "Why You Don't Need A High GPA" for the past few days. Gah! Counter-intuitive, I know. Not to mention, distracting or even destructive.

Only a few days to go before the sembreak, okay. Do what you need to do. Study for 30 minutes or whatever. @-)

I know I'm weird and all

But I was hoping you'd love me nonetheless.

Old habits die hard 
when you’ve got a sentimental heart. 

Colorgenics + Keirsey

I am fond of answering personality tests, though I am not entirely sure whether the results are accurate or simply generalized versions that may apply to just about anyone. A few weeks ago, I took a formal personality test with my classmates as part of the research of  one Behavioral Studies student. Her thesis was about the relation among the intellectual ability, personality and emotional well-being of INTARMED students. Her topic's interesting and relevant, and I 'd love to read a copy of her thesis once she gets it done.

I took another personality test today, although it's just something I randomly saw on the internet. The results sound a lot like me (or at least, how I perceive myself), so I'm posting it here.

You are tending to pursue your objectives with concentrated intensity and it would seem that whatever obstacles may come into your path, you will stick to your guns and will not allow yourself to be deflected from your purpose. You are striving to achieve recognition and what is more - you deserve it.

You like the better things in life. You are sensuous and emotional. You are a follower of the Arts and you seek an environment that will give you the fulfilment to the senses that you need.

Although you are, deep down, a very caring person, you are very particular in the choice of friends and indeed very demanding at times. You can be most quarrelsome and controversial and it is because of this argumentative trait you can at times explode into open conflict - conflict with even those you may care for and love. It is because of this inherent argumentative streak in you that may have resulted in broken hopes and dreams.

It would seem that an existing situation or relationship is unsatisfactory and you feel that there is little that you can do about it without 'some help from your friends', but you have no desire to show the world how vulnerable you really are and therefore you consider it inadvisable to display affection or be over demonstrative. You regard this particular relationship as a depressing tie and although you would like to be independent and unhampered, you don't want to run the risk of losing anything. All this leads you to react 'touchily' and with impatience, while the urge to 'get away from it all' results in considerable restlessness and stress. Your ability to concentrate may suffer.

You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way and to get on in the world simply by your hard work and determination.

*EDIT: Here's another one! I am, apparently, INTP. Some tidbits:

 

• Architects are rare - maybe one percent of the population - and show the greatest precision in thought and speech of all the types. 
•  It is difficult for an Architect to listen to nonsense, even in a casual conversation, without pointing out the speaker's error. 
• Ruthless pragmatists about ideas, and insatiably curious, Architects are driven to find the most efficient means to their ends. Authority derived from office, credential, or celebrity does not impress them. Architects are interested only in what make sense, and thus only statements that are consistent and coherent carry any weight with them.
• Architects often seem difficult to know. They are inclined to be shy except with close friends, and their reserve is difficult to penetrate. Able to concentrate better than any other type, they prefer to work quietly at their computers, and often alone.  
• Architects also become obsessed with analysis, and this can seem to shut others out. Once caught up in a thought process, Architects close off and persevere until they comprehend the issue in all its complexity. 

The last time I took this test, I also got the same result. I'm not entirely sold on the idea of being INTP, though. The last time I checked, I am not rational. Also, I prefer to let spontaneous ideas flow when taking on projects. Admittedly, though, the ones in bold seem to apply to me.

(Yes, I am flooding my blog with personality test results tonight.)

For you, from forever ago

Old songs fill my Sunday afternoon.

Hail, my first weekend stay.

Sometimes, it feels like I just want to stay here forever.

My world, in a vast and unending wrinkle in time, instead of an irreversible timeline.

On another note, it's my first time to hear Kate Torralba sing.

It seems like her musicality is as awesome as her space.

MY WEEKEND'S BEEN ABOUT:

The Matrix Trilogy (Cheers to going to bed at 3 AM for this)

MOTHB (Myth of the Human Body Exhibit). 

It's so fun going out with Friendless Friends!

Doing my body a favor by eating heated food. 

(All I've been eating for the past few days is chicken from KFC)

 Sir Esguerra once told us that 50% of the things we have to do we don't like doing, but we have to doanyway. (And schoolwork may just be that 50%) Still, I beg to disagree. I don't have to do what I don't want to do. If I don't like the way things are, then I must do something to change things (either my perspective or my circumstances). 

But yeah, that's just the lazy me speaking. I could ramble here the whole day but that won't change anything and I still have to do what I have to do for school.

Seriously, though. Do I have to live my life with that inevitable 50%? Can't I do what I want to do and not be constrained by "the rules"? Eek.

Here comes a feeling you thought you'd forgotten

No, not really.

Here comes a phase I thought I'd forgotten (a phase ruled by Japanese songs!)

This is an awesome instrumental cover of  "One More Time, One More Time," one of the lovely soundtracks of an equally lovely movie, "5 Centimeters Per Second."

The song brings warm feelings all over. Somehow, this makes me want to memorize the lyrics or translate the song into English so that I can, in a little way, take part in its beauty too. (That was what I did before for Korean or Japanese songs I liked.)

Some people cannot understand all the fuss about Asian stuff and I completely get their point. They say that it is impractical (illogical even) to keep on patronizing music, drama or fashion that you do not understand. However, I do have an answer as well (at least for the music part, which I really like).

Music transcends a lot of boundaries, language included. Hell, there is this story about one great singer that made the audience cry although all she did was sing the alphabet song with feelings. This does not mean that we should skip grasping the entire song's meaning, but you can always Google the translations, right?

Again, this does not mean that I like just about any Japanese or Korean song that falls on my lap. Personally, I have this sorting method where I listen to a song first and take note of my first general impressions. Now, if the song does not suit my taste, I do not even bother. However, if I find the song cool for some reason, then I try to know more about it. It's that simple, right? (That seems to be my "methodology" for all kinds of songs, actually. Unless it's a song from an artist I love, or it's recommended by a person whom I have similar music taste with. Then I try to reconsider.)

Probably I'm not making any sense right now, but good night all the same!

Sleep and other things that matter (for that matter)

1. clean room

2. friends

3. my phone (according to my mom)

4. an exciting life

5. a happy life

6. education

7. how I spend my Fridays

8. my red notebook

9. internet connection (this won't be on the list of my created needs soon)

10. faith, hope and love (I don't like sounding prissy though. But these still hold, regardless)

11.memories 

12. my sanity (intact)

//I keep on making lists just so I could build the momentum and start writing regularly again 

Random Things on My Mind

Words alone just won't cut it today.

I have yet to give mine a name.

It's only now that I learned that Blogspot has a new interface!

I've always thought of black glasses as something cool.

I hope I'd have no need for a pair anytime soon, though.

The fact that I haven't done anything related to my term paper this weekend

 doesn't bother me, surprisingly.

Children's books － and why I want to write one.

Whatever happened to my pre-college manifesto

"MANIFESTO:

I will live my life to the fullest by giving my best. No bounds, no limits, no regrets. I will abandon my comfort zone and break the wall that separates me from my goals. 

I will be alert, street-smart and independent. I will protect myself by living in the present. 

I shall not stray from the straight path. I will face every challenge with a clear mind and positive outlook. I will make friends along the way, grow as a person, and take every opportunity as a chance to improve.

I will strive to help others better their lives. I will not live for myself alone, and I will try my best to do something for others. 

I will be better."

A Little Experiment

Something that captured my attention lately is Newspaper Blackout, which is basically a different method of making poems. If you have some newspaper and a permanent marker at hand, you can create by subtracting − that is, crossing out unnecessary words in articles to have your very own poem.

Before sleeping last night, I came up with my first blackout poem:

“Syphilis”

Of course, I tried doing this several times before I came up with a decent poem. I either got stuck in an article or messed up the shading after outlining the words. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the process so I made another one.

“What Marriage Should Be Like”

It’s basically as real and creative as it gets. There is no right or wrong way to make a blackout poem, but you get the idea right? The best thing about this is that you get to recycle paper while sharpening your writing skills as well. So come on, try making one during your spare time too! :)

For inspiration, visit http://newspaperblackout.tumblr.com/

Childhood memories. 

Hello Kitty was my favorite cartoon character back then. I used to frequent Sanrio stores and collect all sorts of Hello Kitty Items like drawers, calculators, pens and stuffed toys.

Knowing this, Tita Grace gave me this cross stitch work as a gift. She lived in our house before and took care of me when I was a kid. We had a plenty of good memories together, until she got married and transferred to Batangas.

This is a lovely unframed picture encapsulating those happy times. I wonder if this is what my siblings would also feel in the future, now that another relative of ours lives in our house and takes care of them. I smile at the thought that they would probably feel the same joy and nostalgia in reminiscing.

Erica wouldn’t probably be here forever, and she’d chart her own path eventually. But for now, all’s great and good. Highs and lows. Brights and blues. Safe to say that we’re living the life.

P.S. Yup, that’s Popol. It’s what relatives and family friends call me. Imagine, I only found out what my nickname actually means last night. It’s a wordplay of Pope Paul (similar to what Pisay is like to Philippine Science). I used to hate my nickname so much, but now, not anymore.

Things I'd Like to Read Soon

Also: your mind.

It's not like the rift between us could get any wider, but seeing your face every once in a while used to be my consolation. Now, however, it's like staring into space. Or more like staring into nothingness). I don't know what to do to make my life happy and breezy again, like what it used to be. Admittedly, sadness was not foreign to me even then, but the scale between yin and yang has tipped of even more now that I'm in this new chapter.

Aside from laughing everyday (more than the everyday normal dose, in my opinion), my life nowadays is pretty much nondescript. And if I should make things more poetic, I can say:

"Hollow laughs hold me together, preventing the uprooting of my everything"

I hope this is just a phase. Sadness for vast stretches of time, nah, that just won't cut it.

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." - Joseph Addison

All three, please. Especially the last one.

100th post

I know it's already 1:42 AM and I still have an 8:30 class, but I just had to write about two gems I found just when I thought I had to sleep already. I found my two friends' blogs and immersed myself in their way of thinking for a few moments. Such an eye-opener. 

This blogspot is turning into a bland virtual record book. Don't you think? Not that I mind

to have and to hold

Psychological fact: People remember 30% more of their dreams when they are in love.

Basis: None, really. I'd just like to think of it that way. :))

Nine Months

Nine months ago, I started a  blog inside the four corners of my room, for want of a virtual breathing space where I can voice my thoughts and frustrations. I was so hormonal back then, really, that if you look through the archive of my previous blog, you'll probably roll your eyes and go squeamish.

But just as a woman undergoes internal metamorphosis (in the sense that the baby grows so fast) during pregnancy, my previous blog had also probably carried me along those nine months to allow changes inside and outside me to take form.

That fortuitous day on September, all the divine forces have probably conspired to help me take on a new endeavor that would turn out, later on, to be an important milestone in my life. A mixture of a random thought, and a desire to explain the rationale behind my sentiments. Voila, my blog was born.

So much has changed since then. I now find myself in the hustle of bustle of Manila, a dangerous and busy world that seldom gives an opportunity for rest and reflection. My only real solace there is the realm of sleep and dreams, but even that is quickly cut out by the buzzing of my pesky alarm clock after a few hours or so.

After five (indescribably long) days, I'm happy to say that I'm alone and really comfortable at last. I'm back in my green room, at the same spot where I used to write every day during my high school years. Everything just comes back and conveniently rests on the crevices of my mind (much like melted cheese, but meh, maybe I'm just hungry).  The thought of the oval, peaceful time at home, childish thoughts about love, fancy time with high school friends and sleepless nights! If it's any consolation (not), I know the last item isn't gone for good. Don't really know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Maybe, tonight, I'll just pretend to be a senior again, grappling with the idea of future and college. Maybe I could relive all those moments again, and bask in teenage dreams (no, I'm not referencing any song) and happy promises. There's no going back, I know, but I can pretend for sure. If only for a little while.

My Sheena-inspired name tag. :>

12 Little Things

I haven’t really written anything nice right now (school seemed to be the start of my laziness, though not academically), so let me post my first homework instead. 

I read this book from cover to cover!

 Almost every trite patriotic speech or essay concludes with vague declaration of hope and promise for our nation. I should know. I did a plenty of written works before that contain empty but pleasant-sounding words such as “prosperity”, “betterment”, “unite”, and so on. Now that I think about it, it was not really my intention to mislead anyone by writing any of those five-paragraph, almost-formulaic prose works. It’s just that, for a girl as young and inexperienced as I, the idea of progress could be such an intimidating thing. Influenced (or perhaps brainwashed) by the long-held beliefs of many people around me, I had come to think that it requires a huge amount of energy, will and resources to counter the downward spiral of our country. I had grown cynical — “the selfish outnumber the selfless, the cowardly outnumber the brave”. At best, a new Ninoy Aquino will probably rise up sooner or later to revive the Filipino spirit once again. But that’s about it. End of story.

However, in the past few months, I’ve come to realize that the future may not bleak as I had previously thought. I found myself absorbed in the likes of Kara David, Lea Salonga, Josette Biyo and other people making a difference by doing something in their element. Alex Lacson might just be a part of that long list of people I look up to, as I found his book compelling and fresh. Not in your typical “I-liked-that-chick-lit” kind of way, but in a special “that-book-changed-my-life” sense.

In his book “12 Little Things Every Filipino Can Do to Help the Country”, he starts with a simple premise that little things can go a long way. It may not be the most comprehensive book, but it empowers by stating simple and specific strategies towards nation-building. Now I know why it became a bestselling book, and now I won’t have to complain about the hopelessness of this country.

The truth is, we really are the change. The Philippines still holds promise. And as trite as it may seem, there is really hope for the nation.

I think this book is too powerful to be left in the bookshelf. For starters, I’d like to take Lacson’s piece of advice by buying a book for a friend and telling him/her to do the same for another friend. I also pledge to do #2 (ask for an official receipt), #3 (refuse to buy smuggled goods) and respect public officials from now on. I know that these may not be much, but as the book says, “The best way to build a dream is by attending to the little things that comprise it.”

Let us begin the journey of a thousand miles by taking that first step. We will carry on.

Nothing, really. I read “Liham ni Rizal sa Kadalagahan ng Malolos, Bulacan” for a school assignment and thought that I should save this somewhere.

 (I read the English version first. Shhh.)

“If she is a maiden, the young man should love her not only because of her beauty and her amiable character, but alson on account of her fortitude of mind and loftiness of purpose, which quicken and elevate the feeble and timid and ward off all vain thoughts.”

Re: Second Day in UPM

Renewed interest in rap songs. Merits of wearing jejecaps. No, really. :))

Friendly banter. Sweat! New friends. First profs. Super hot dorm. :| 

More things to come, I guess. Looking forward to everything!

Short and Sweet

On my way to UP Manila after the Welcome Ceremonies at UP Diliman, I heard a timely announcement on a Christian radio station. It said that when retired people were asked about their biggest regret in life, most of them answered, “not taking enough risks.” So here I am, on the eve of my first day in college, reminding myself to grab all the opportunities and make the most out of my seven years here. It will be tough, considering it’s my first time to live away from home, but I’ll manage for sure. 

Night everyone.

P.S. I got to chat with Nina Corpuz today! Fangirling, hah.

Surprise!

 finally received my freebies from Adarna House this morning. Guess who’s giddy.

This really made my day.

I think the last time I felt this excited was when I found out that I passed UP. Who doesn’t love receiving packages, right? (My last-received mail was a confirmation of account from a bank, so it doesn’t really count.) Add receiving this surprise to the fact that I earned these two books through something I love − writing!

I may be too old for these (or maybe not), but my siblings are definitely not. I gave “Si Ching ay Takot sa Dilim” to Janine and “Xilef” to JD. Reading session later!

Next up: meeting everyone again at UP Diliman. Should I be giddy once more/nervous/excited? I guess all three!