goodbye
to all the chances I've missed because I wasn't brave enough
to all the silent sighs when the going went rough

hello
to all future hopes, plans and dreams
that lived on though I was breaking at the seams

Grad!

Yeah, finally.

Grad, then Max's @ Circle (I saw Patty and her family :D), then home, then SM

• I felt like a kid again! We went to Toy Kingdom then I asked my mom to take pictures of me and my sister holding teddy bears and Barbie dolls. It was weird yet refreshing at the same time.
• We ate fried ice cream. :)) Looks cool at first but didn't really notice any significant difference.
• We went to a store selling children's books and I wanted to buy several illustrated books (with Carlos Palanca seals on the left) just because.
•  My mom wanted to buy a curling iron for special occasions because salons usually charge hefty amounts for simple hairstyles. So we tried to find one at the department store. My little sister had her hair curled and she was soo cute. (As usual :) She's prettier than me ehhh)
•  I bought old issues of teen magazines so I'll have something to do when I get really, really bored during the summer
• And bought a new notebook too. I lost the red notebook, I think (the one containing secrets and sappy stuff). T____T
• When I got home, I saw a link in Ate Karina's page. It's so nice so I decided to put it here. Reminds me of my first year in Pisay for some reason. When all was calm and I was carefree.

moments like these should last forever

As I marvel at your moonrise, I'm in awe, yet I ask...

I was planning to write a long post tonight since it's the eve of graduation, but I don't know, I'm really at loss for words now. I can't seem to write anything grand, like how Pisay changed my life or how it redefined the way I see life. I wanna cry in anguish or in joy (doesn't really matter as long as I do), but look ma, tears are nowhere to be found.

Today was just like an ordinary day in Pisay if it weren't for the mass or the breakfast or the Toast to Excellence or the last graduation practice. But no, those things comprised almost the whole chunk of the day, so maybe I'm wrong. But the way I ended this day was as ordinary as it can ever get. Walked, walked, then crossed somewhere, then rode a jeep with a friend. Then stared out of the window, then did my usual reflecting routine when I commute (bad habit, I know). 

But yeah, I did remember and realize a couple of things. I'll make a simple list here so I won't forget, hah.

1. Silly me, I spent lots of times on unnecessary things that no one really cares about and skimped on things that really matter. 

2. An acquaintance once described me as reserved, driven and diligent. I really didn't think I was like those three until now. Reserved, yes (I keep a fairly small group of friends), driven (I tend to push, push and push), and diligent (gosh, the group works 'cept STR :o:)) ). But if there's one word that I'd want the future me to be described as, it's assertive. :D

3. My friends are my heroes! My high school story really, sincerely won't be the same without them. 

4. I still have lots of things to learn about love (like how not to freeze when my crush is around or play the part of a total gullible newbie). I've had few bruises and scratches somewhere, but I'm not to worry because as they say, learning is a lifelong process. :)

5. After long four years of battle: my face didn't survive unscathed apparently =)) Young girl -> sixteen-year old girl with pimples and large eyebags :o

6. It's better to surround yourself with cool people, interesting books/comics/magazines (and in the process, make yourself more cultured) than to direct your energy towards getting high scores. For me, at least. 

7. I should have slept early when I could instead of wasting my time in late-night surfing and reading. Precious hours taken away from my youth, gosh. :))

8. And I don't know, to sum up things. I'll probably succintly describe Pisay as this: A Place Where I Discovered A Whole New World. :D

P.S. Something I found in Abby's Tumblr after I finished writing this:
"Follow your heart but take your brain with you."
- Just thought it was relevant. I'll be doing this. Promise. :)

when one hello makes your day

dear crush,

hi there! why do you have to be so cute and I have to notice you? i kinda feel sad because the school year's ending and i'm not gonna see you for a long, long while. well yeah, just saying. i never really knew that I'm a hopeless romantic until now. so i guess... see you when i see you?

recurring thoughts

Tonight, I've been looking at old notes, photos and messages— anything that reminds me of the past year. Though so many things have happened since then, the memories remain intact, though slightly laid aside like a bunch of dried leaves raked during autumn.

I still remember the nights I promised to myself I'd get better. Make hard choices. Distance myself from things or places or people that do not bring good vibes or fortune. And in fact, I did.

This ongoing whirlwind ride motivates me to wake up every day in the hopes of improving in every way possible. I no longer want to be weak, gullible, distracted, insecure, perpetually late, apathetic, or whatever bad thing (you name it). I want to become a better daughter, sister, student, citizen. (Of course, I have even more roles than the ones listed here, but those things are what I'm focusing on right now).

Just how much more willpower will it take for me to achieve these things? I want to grow— really grow and start giving more of myself to others. I've been an island for so long.

And it's lonely that way.

Somehow, I kinda miss the old me too. The girl that didn't worry as much about the things ahead of her, the carefree one living her life one day at a time. She's weak and gullible (not that I'm not at all now :)) ), yes, but maybe she had a few redeeming qualities too.

Siyempre napaisip na naman ako. Itutulog ko na lang muna 'to. :-j

alien dreams

the marvelous ferocity of a
       dream foregone
to curb their fears,
       the wails of money (many)
like the sliced mangoes reeking of fish sauce
       that you put up with
       with a half-baked smile
like the DOM you spread your legs for
       to seal the deal
      and satisfy the barangay
and what of childhood dreams
       or  the promises to keep
       and the faint sign of life
       out there, somewhere?
the  star seems all so near now
       yet so distant,
       because truly, you'd much rather be
       elsewhere.

the greater good

sideways, sideways
peering into the forbidden chamber
he glances through the
nothingness cowering the
wisps in his mind,
slowly shuffling into what no longer
seems to be
reality.

she is gone, it is gone
all that remains are creatures lurking
in the
dark.
he loved her, that's for sure
yet he could never quite
put his heart into it

and indeed
what are the chances
it was the
relinquish of power
and nothing more.

(FX, around 7 I think? before I fell asleep)

masaya maging masaya :)

Masayang makapagmuni-muni kasama ng mga dating kaibigan na hindi mo nakakasama dahil sa dami ng kailangang gawin. Isasama ko ang araw na ito sa listahan ng mga araw na gusto kong itatak sa isip ko. :D

on posts

The last thing this blog needs to be is perfect.

Don't worry your pieces are too rough, too spontaneous, too out-of-the blue. Just write, write the way you like it. :) And always remember why you created this blog in the first place.

marso

buhay.
liwayway.
mga minsanang pangyayaring bahagi na ng mundong ibabaw
unos.
pagbuhos.
mga katotohanang di makakaila ng mga pusong uhaw

ang bawat sandali ay pag-ikot
pagkalusaw ng mga alaalang dumaan sa paglimot

kung ang buhay ko ay susumahin
ano kaya ang aanihin?
ang buto kong itinanim
ay nilamon na ba ng dilim?

panaginip.
naidlip.
simula.
at natatanging gunita.

sa gitna ng pagkabalisa
hinahanap ko ang aking natatanging

          Araw.

a girl's guide to love

Written for future reference :)

1. Friends before lovers. Let's face it, the spark does not last forever. The butterflies that once lurked in your stomach upon your first encounter may be nothing but a distant memory after some years. It helps, therefore, if your relationship is built on friendship instead of mere attraction. (Got that from my Mom a while ago :D)

2. Jerks don't deserve a place in your heart. I repeat. Jerks don't deserve a place in your heart.

3. "There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven." Thou shall not rush love, nor look for it. God has a plan for you, and that does not include looking desperate in trying to please a guy.

4. The best kind of love is one that makes you smile and helps you grow, not one that keeps you awake (and sad) at night and leads you astray.

5. Be the kind of person that you'd love to fall in love with. :)

6. Sometimes, it pays to be hard-to-get. (But that's only my two cents :)) )

7. "You know when you've already fallen out of love when you start making sense again." That started as a mere joke to one friend of mine, but there is a grain of truth in it, right? When we're in love, we start doing things that we would not have done if we weren't blinded by our impulsiveness and rush of emotions. So if you ended up looking like a total fool for love before, stop blaming yourself. There is no use in agonizing over your stupid (and unrequited) show of affection, nor extreme self-preservation out of paranoia. Consider your so-called failure as a learning experience.

8. If someone has broken your heart or cheated on you or wronged you, they're headed straight to Loserville. Don't fret; just leave things to God. :)

9. Last but not the least, don't forget love (or the lack thereof, haha) is just one aspect of your life. You still have so many things to care of — your spiritual and emotional well-being, academic and family life. And your obligation to the society!

these short lovely moments

I know I should be asleep by now because I have a long day ahead of me, but staying up seems so fun.

Yesterday, I drank coffee with my friend Pebs and had a lovely talk with him at Starbucks. At first, the silent air that emanated the atmosphere kept me awkward (I didn't know what to talk about), until I asked him how many heartbreaks he has had in his high school life. So random, right? Yet this golden question seems to bring interesting conversations every time.

Each time my friends choose to entrust secrets (about themselves, not others) to me, my soul smiles a little more brightly. I get flattered, of course, that they trust me enough to divulge an important part of themselves. My heart sings of gladness and hope and emotion each time a person does that. But of course, I also get this sense of responsibility and feel compelled to say something, well, worthy of second thought somehow.

When I got home, I perused the pages of YES magazine before doing the usual school stuff. It might seem really weird of me to buy that (it was my first time), but I was enticed by the cover story. It was about a fine girl (Sarah Geronimo) who loved a two-timer jerk (Rayver Cruz), no matter how undeserving was he of her love. Call me jologs or whatever, but we can learn a thing or two from that story right?

I'll write about my impression and thoughts on love in the next post.

ticket out of hell

I've never been more stressed my entire high school life. For the first time, I'll use a blog entry as a to-do list.

Community Service
Finalize ComSci board game concept
Help Chen with STR + send data
Get pitcher + paintbrushes from Hannah
Do the last 6 things and send to Sir Castro
Return textbooks
Write last words for EngJourn documentary script
Finish interviewing Sir Llaguno
Talk to Sir Montales
Photoshoot with friends