I feel my heart beating.

My most sincere wish for my 18th Birthday is to find in my heart the will to grow and be a woman of character. That I may lead others to good directions and be a light to other people by offering solace and cheer in our conversations. That I may find the fortitude to carry on in living a meaningful life despite the everyday hustle and bustle. And most importantly, that I may be able to withstand whatever temptations -- physical, mental, emotional -- get thrown at me by the earthly pleasures of glitter, flesh and money. To do what is right.

A humble heart. A kind heart. A pure heart.

I want to reaffirm my ideals and let my inner compass shine through even though I've failed several times. Even though my feeble soul cannot compare to the ultimate goodness. Even though I'm not perfect.

I bow down and succumb to the source of all power, for even though I have questioned Him several times in the past, I do realize now that His love and concern for me planted these thoughts in my mind allowing me to receive these seeds of insight. Now, even more importantly, due to the fact that my life is starting to be my own -- less overseeing, less guidance, less restrictions.

I am growing wings, and in this new chapter of flight, I want to do an act of faith with the intention of fulfilling of His master plan for my life. With the power of choice bestowed upon me, I take resolve in loving myself sincerely, and guarding my heart truly, so that I may be able to give more of those happy smiles to those around me. No longer will I throw away the essential and important things so easily, as if youth and energy are just wasted on me.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for the discreet angels that you send in random corners -- the ones that keep the dying fire burning, even though the candle man had been a negligent caretaker of the spark. No promises right now, just a stream of consciousness that will allow the future me to see what might be the genesis of one miraculous salvation.

Thank you, thank you really for Your love. I feel so unworthy with all tests of strength and character I failed and the commandments I disobeyed, that the feelings even go beyond the collective crap brought by supposed markers of intelligence in school. Yet You never left me all this time.You waited for me.

Maybe that is the single most important thing that has happened in my life so far.

Maybe You just saved me.