recurring thoughts

Tonight, I've been looking at old notes, photos and messages— anything that reminds me of the past year. Though so many things have happened since then, the memories remain intact, though slightly laid aside like a bunch of dried leaves raked during autumn.

I still remember the nights I promised to myself I'd get better. Make hard choices. Distance myself from things or places or people that do not bring good vibes or fortune. And in fact, I did.

This ongoing whirlwind ride motivates me to wake up every day in the hopes of improving in every way possible. I no longer want to be weak, gullible, distracted, insecure, perpetually late, apathetic, or whatever bad thing (you name it). I want to become a better daughter, sister, student, citizen. (Of course, I have even more roles than the ones listed here, but those things are what I'm focusing on right now).

Just how much more willpower will it take for me to achieve these things? I want to grow— really grow and start giving more of myself to others. I've been an island for so long.

And it's lonely that way.

Somehow, I kinda miss the old me too. The girl that didn't worry as much about the things ahead of her, the carefree one living her life one day at a time. She's weak and gullible (not that I'm not at all now :)) ), yes, but maybe she had a few redeeming qualities too.

Siyempre napaisip na naman ako. Itutulog ko na lang muna 'to. :-j