of shattered expectations

"To err is human..."

No one is perfect, but for most of us carry the erroneous notion that the people we hold in high esteem are free of faults. Many of our personal heroes are selfless, driven and virtuous− or so we think. The immaculate image embossed in our minds is often far from reality. Our senses fail us most of the time, muddling our perception and sense of judgment.

However we try to shun the reality, our idols cannot ever be possibly perfect.  Hot actors we drool over for their macho image may secretly shudder at the sight of spiders and frogs, while models with looks to die for may look hideous in the morning. The same goes for our parents, teachers and mentors who    have done outrageous things in the past that I would rather not speak of.

Still, there remains a deep sense of loss in the back of our minds when we realize that our heroes are not all that we crack them to be.  The long list of their indispensable traits and noteworthy accomplishments, as well as the perfect image we have formed in our minds, becomes momentarily pale when we encounter a bump that shatters our high expectations in these people.

It is natural to feel powerless after having discovered so disturbing a fact. Our universe centered around a certain (seemingly honorable but not really) human deity our may stop for a while, but we know that this we must outgrow this phase and return to the daily order of things if we are to keep our sanity.

When we encounter this bump, what do we do next?

Three choices:                                 

i)                 Turn a blind eye to the flaw (i.e., keep  our mouths shut and pretend we are unaware of the things we wish we didn’t have to know)

ii)               Find another idol

iii)              Confront the person and talk to him/her about it (only applicable if the person is someone we know personally)

Or  more appropriately, what should I do next?

"...to forgive is divine."

falling apart

Sometimes, the truth is right in front of you, yet you choose not to acknowledge it for fear of making your life more complicated than it already is.

Sometimes, the simplest questions are the hardest to answer.

Sometimes, confrontation seems to be the hardest thing in the world.

Is there some way to reset your mind and delete certain memories so you do not have to carry the burden of keeping a secret?

Should you push things to the limit and risk strained relationships, or keep your mouth shut and pretend that things are perfectly fine?

How do you treat an important person who lost your trust unknowingly?

you know amir?

I can totally relate to him right now.

two things.

A hopeful hello enshrouding impending farewell.
And an unveiled capsule ringing a familiar bell

Screwed torrent of emotions turning loose
Approaching infinity with nothing to lose
Explicit liber secundus.

P.S. Gonna go to bed now. Fluuuu.

strawberry yogurt ice cream

Today, I finally found a strawberry yogurt ice cream at a convenience store. After almost two years of searching, can you believe it? Ice cream is ice cream, but in my eyes, it was definitely something more. Last year, I'd often walk around the oval with my friends and pass by the area near the front lobby where people were selling ice cream. I'd ask the vendor if he has that specific flavor I was looking for. And I'd be disappointed as often as I'd ask him. That ice cream was out of stock forever, so it seemed to me.

That idea of that strawberry yogurt ice cream captured the essence of sweetness and an especially fond memory that I so longed to relish at that time. It was weird, kinda stupid actually, of me to think that if I could just take hold of that ice cream, things would change and somehow fall into place.

Fast forward to today. My Mom and I were looking for a place where we could park the car for some time, and somehow we settled into going to a gasoline station near our home. I entered the convenience store to buy anything, just so we could park our car.

I looked for something to satisfy my sweet tooth– chocolate or caramel-flavored ice cream, perhaps. But at the least expected moment, I caught sight of that special strawberry yogurt ice cream I was looking for. For a moment, I thought that the quest was finally completed and the sweet surging memories would soon follow.

But no. No memories. No sparks. No anything.

The awe-filled smile of mine quickly turned into a frown, but the convex curved slowly worked its way upwards again upon my sudden realization. I was free then already, no longer chained to the pointless hope planted in my mind by my past self. And at that moment, it occurred to me–ice cream is nothing but mere ice cream to me now.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

my church is cool.

Every time I attend the morning service in our Church, there's always something amazing to look forward to. Mind you, it's not limited to the scripture or anything holy. It's almost like watching a rock concert and  and listening to a TED talk with matching kick-ass videos or presentations after. The talk is always accompanied by a thoughtfully-designed powerpoint, so I pick up a lesson or two about typography every week. But more than that, the content of the talks is, more often than not, relevant to people in my age. No yawn-inducing, self-righteous talks there (or at least, none yet).

This week, it's the third part of a series they call "Original Pinoy Mindsets 2", or simply OPM2, which highlights somewhat negative aspects of the Filipino culture then relates it to the scripture. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't attended the service last week, and the week before that as well, but my family members told me that the talks were about "Lagay, Lusot, Lakad: The Trilogy of Maneuvers" and "Kanya-Kanya."

So anyway, this week's talk is wittily titled "Machonurin", which is of course, a combination of two words related to two conflicting ideas, namely, submission and subjugation. By all means, our society is a matriarchal one. Men may hold the seat of the authority in the house, but most of the time, they are more of figureheads and it's usually the women who are in charge of running the household.

There are two extreme leadership patterns in the family – one is the militaristic style, wherein men take pride in being the "padre de familia" and the sole arbiter in all the decision-making in the house. Women in the first case have little or no role except doing household chores and bearing children. The other one is the "ander da saya" syndrome, wherein females but do not only control house matters but the lives of their husbands as well.

The speaker cited one book (I can't remember the title) which provides an explanation of this persisting condition. In our society, people place double standards since childhood – boys can freely play in the streets, while girls are expected to help their mothers in the household chores. As a result, girls tend to mature earlier than their male counterparts. Also, In the process of, as I like to call it, early domestic internship, girls develop useful qualities such as insightfulness, ingenuity and resourcefulness.

The problem begins when women abuse these traits in a way that their husbands feel overshadowed and not as important as they should think they are. Some passive men prefer to pass the authority to their wives thinking that they could handle things anyway, and their wives in turn, get annoyed that their husbands are not being responsible in letting them take the lead ALL THE TIME. This may be caused by lack of effective communication between partners.

At that point, the speaker started relating the topic to a similar concept in the bible. Certain lines were mentioned here and there, but I won't mention them here anymore. They're kinda lengthy, plus no one would bother to read them anyway.

The talk also touched on relationships, and our pastor talked about establishing qualifications firsthand before starting the search. He then started the cheesy stories about him and his wife. Well, as for me, faithfulness is the first on my list. Even if I meet the perfect guy, I'll gladly kick him in the ass and leave if he's pissing me off with all the flirting. 

Bow.