I badly wanted to go to Trinoma today. I've been itching to buy a planner for quite some time, and I thought this day was the perfect time to finally do so. Instead, I decided to increase the fun quotient(yes, there is such a term in my world)of my week and attend the ACTS small group discussion. Wednesday, I thought, can be reserved for the Trino trip and Liriko practice.
The talk was about taking a stand. A friend did it a while ago. Now, I wonder – will I be able to do the same for myself? I can honestly say that I'm happy with my life now, but I can only say that because I've cleaned my slate prematurely. Erased all traces of evil vibes, promised that I would become better. I think I stood up for my present and past self in that sense.
I wonder, though, if my future self would become proud of me. You, ignorant fool, detestable coward, she would say. "Why didn't you take more chances? Why didn't you live life to the fullest?" One of my greatest fears in life is that I'll be the cause of her bitterness in the future.
So what now? Should I tie all loose ends? End this story like a fairytale?
Somewhere, the ground is really shaky. I don't want my future self to look back with a painful look of regret, but I don't want to destroy the happy world my present self has created for herself.
Sigh, poor ladies.
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